Motherhood: A divine calling
I know no one will see these posts. But here are some thoughts I'm having tonight. I'm having a lot of thoughts about motherhood. I guess I'm just very very anxious for my baby to get here. I want to love him. I want to cuddle him. I see my niece's Audrey and Camilia and they literally bring so much joy to me. Whenever I am sad, I have had to really try hard to not let my thoughts of "no one wants you around" get in the way of doing this, I ask AnnMarie if I can come over to play with Audrey. I like to think I'm her favorite aunt :) lol. But seeing them just makes me crave my baby boy to be in my arms even more. I anticipate the day that I will be able to hold him in my arms for as long as my heart desires.
One thing that is extremely surprising to me is seeing the girls I was in young women's, girls camp, and high school with. Not that I'm so far in life or bragging. But they all are in school, just getting married, or just getting back(or still on) from missions. And here I am, married for almost a year and a half and 6 months pregnant. I have a husband who provides for me and supports my dream of staying home. I have our apartment coming together in our own unique way. Not a pinterest way, my way. Our lives are being weaved together so beautifully. All my dreams have come true. Trials are still present but that doesn't mean my dreams haven't come true. When I think of what my husband really does for me, it often brings tears to my eyes. I may be THAT creepy wife, but I like to watch him sleep occasionally. He looks so peaceful and reminds me of what a perfect person he tries to be. He tries and strives so hard to be the man I know he can be.
Tonight my sister, AnnMarie, brought our pictures of all the kids. I was looking through my pictures with Garrett & it made me so happy to just sit and hear him comment on how cute I was. But I was looking through the pictures and seeing me with picture after picture of babies. Being in nursery with my husband is extremely fun. But it's even better because we get to be in there with my niece Audrey. And seeing her play with all the babies. It makes me laugh because she walks during play time and goes around kind of observing everything and everyone. Then the last half she gets 2 babies(usually the same 2 every week) and sits and watches everyone. It is pretty cute. But I love watching her with the babies because I think of when she will be in my position. Married and anticipating having her own baby. something she'll have wanted for her whole life.
It makes me sad for the women don't have the desire to be mothers. It isn't always their fault. But I pray for those who don't. It must be hard to think "is something wrong with me?" But nothing is wrong with them. It may just be their trial in life. It is such a blessing to have the opportunity to be a mother. To learn and grow from positively bringing and raising responsible citizens into this world. To love more than you've ever known love. To not know how anyone could love a baby more than yours because yours is the cutest lol.
All in all I pray I'm the mother my kids need. It is such a pressure to have kids spirits and futures depend so heavily on you. I really want to make them happy. I want to be patient with them. I want them to feel unbelievably loved by me. I want them to grow up with the highest self esteems. To feel worthy of love. To know they will ALWAYS have a place to go.
One thing that is extremely surprising to me is seeing the girls I was in young women's, girls camp, and high school with. Not that I'm so far in life or bragging. But they all are in school, just getting married, or just getting back(or still on) from missions. And here I am, married for almost a year and a half and 6 months pregnant. I have a husband who provides for me and supports my dream of staying home. I have our apartment coming together in our own unique way. Not a pinterest way, my way. Our lives are being weaved together so beautifully. All my dreams have come true. Trials are still present but that doesn't mean my dreams haven't come true. When I think of what my husband really does for me, it often brings tears to my eyes. I may be THAT creepy wife, but I like to watch him sleep occasionally. He looks so peaceful and reminds me of what a perfect person he tries to be. He tries and strives so hard to be the man I know he can be.
Tonight my sister, AnnMarie, brought our pictures of all the kids. I was looking through my pictures with Garrett & it made me so happy to just sit and hear him comment on how cute I was. But I was looking through the pictures and seeing me with picture after picture of babies. Being in nursery with my husband is extremely fun. But it's even better because we get to be in there with my niece Audrey. And seeing her play with all the babies. It makes me laugh because she walks during play time and goes around kind of observing everything and everyone. Then the last half she gets 2 babies(usually the same 2 every week) and sits and watches everyone. It is pretty cute. But I love watching her with the babies because I think of when she will be in my position. Married and anticipating having her own baby. something she'll have wanted for her whole life.
It makes me sad for the women don't have the desire to be mothers. It isn't always their fault. But I pray for those who don't. It must be hard to think "is something wrong with me?" But nothing is wrong with them. It may just be their trial in life. It is such a blessing to have the opportunity to be a mother. To learn and grow from positively bringing and raising responsible citizens into this world. To love more than you've ever known love. To not know how anyone could love a baby more than yours because yours is the cutest lol.
All in all I pray I'm the mother my kids need. It is such a pressure to have kids spirits and futures depend so heavily on you. I really want to make them happy. I want to be patient with them. I want them to feel unbelievably loved by me. I want them to grow up with the highest self esteems. To feel worthy of love. To know they will ALWAYS have a place to go.
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