Ain't No Hood Like Motherhood

             A tired mom has had a rough day. She's dealt with a tantrum filled day with her toddler and decides to go to lunch when her husband gets home from work. She's in baggy sweat pants, pulled up dirty hair, baggy shirt, and slip on shoes. She's feeling run down in every department. Emotionally she deals with feelings of inadequacy in her abilities as a mother. Her toddler is still in tantrum mode in the restaurant, leaving her with heightened feelings of inadequacy in her motherhood. She wonders how her husband still looks at her and thinks she's beautiful. She wonders what others are thinking about her and her tantrum toddler while she waits for her husband to get their food. Looks like a disaster, right?

             Suddenly an older woman approaches her and her son. The mother didn't even realize this woman was paying attention to her at all. She looks at the older woman to try and hear over everyone what she's trying to say. Suddenly she hears what shes saying "What a special boy your little boy is! He has been a delight to sit and watch. But you should really know, you are a phenomenal mother. You can see it in how much your son loves you and what a special boy he is. You're doing an amazing job as a mom." This mother tries holding it together as she thanks her. Her husband then approaches and asks "What did she say to you?" Releasing the flood gates the tired mother through tears repeats what the woman said to her. Then she sits and cries. 

             As you can imagine, this isn't a scenario you see everyday. But it happened to me. I sat there amazed at how someone simply telling me I was doing a great job could bring me to tears. I will be honest, when Hudson was first born I felt very sure that I'd be a great mom to him. I felt I was doing everything I needed to and confident in all my decisions in motherhood. I've chosen a natural approach to motherhood in every way. But as Hudson gets older, I've had very hard moments of feeling that I'm not doing enough for Hudson or that I'm not enough for him. 

             Being a mother who has taken a natural approach to things in parenting Hudson, have come with some praise and also some judgement. I've been judged that I would judge someone else for their choices in motherhood, I've gotten the judgement that I'm stuck up and feel my decisions in motherhood are the "right" way. I've been made to feel that my approach isn't the best for my son. In those regards and as my son has developed I feel if he isn't progressing as much as other kids his age, I feel as though I'm not doing enough for him. That has been extremely challenging for me to try and cope with and get over. It's easy to remember every kid is different in how loveable and social my Hudson is. I see all the amazing qualities Hudson is shining through. He is a truly happy boy who LOVES to talk to everyone. 

             How sad is it that in the world we live in, we still constantly put each other down? I recently received a comment from someone close to me about a decision I made in motherhood, that was extremely hurtful to me. I felt it was a unnecessary comment and out of no where. It left me talking to my best friend and us discussing why mothers in the world are still putting each other down. Why we watch these blogger mom's who show the real messy parts of their motherhood desperately wanting to feel related to and uplifted. To feel like we aren't doing such a bad job. As much as I love those bloggers, how sad is that? That the main way we know how to find encouragement is on the internet from a woman who lives sometimes 5 states away! But in our real lives as well as on the internet we have to constantly be on guard with how much of our motherhood we share because we may be persecuted for a simple decision we made, or a experience we found ourselves in one time. 

             How amazing would it be to be purely uplifted in our motherhood? What if we practiced what we preached and accepted every mother and their decisions? I can say for certain I love and appreciate breastfeeding just as much as I love and appreciate formula. I love and appreciate co-sleeping just as much as I love crib sleeping. I love vaccination as much as not vaccinating. Why can't we be happy with our decisions, as well as happy other mothers have found the decisions that work best for them and their kids? They made the best decision for them and their kids. I made the best decision for me and my kids. 

             Motherhood is hard. You constantly are worrying about if you're doing the best things for your child. THINK OF THAT WHEN YOU ARE THINKING OF CRITICIZING ANOTHER MOTHER! Think of all the times you've been down thinking of how you feel you're failing. Why would you want to put more of those feelings onto another mother? If you are not a mother yet, please please please I beg of you, think of what they're going through before you give your opinion. I hate to say it, but you are not a mother. It is extremely hard and tiring and sometimes we just need encouragement and not more negativity. We need someone giving us a hug. We need someone telling us we're doing a good job. 

             To the mama having a rough and mentally draining day, you are doing amazing. You are enough for your child. God gave them to you, because you were the best fit for them. My siblings and I used to say that my mom was the best mom in the whole world. But one time I heard my sister say something that really struck me. She told my mom "You are the best mom...for me." I loved that. She is the best mom for me. She did everything right for me. She was the best mom I could possibly have had. God saw her in the pre-existence and knew I'd need her for this life. You are the best mom for your child. No mom could parent your child better than you. You are deserving of being truly appreciated for the mother you are. The children you are creating to raise and eventually contribute to society. 

             Mama, I see you. You should always feel loved and supported. The few mom friends I have, are safe people. They are people I talk to on a daily basis. I vent to them about my daily struggles. I know I can rely on them. But mama, I am here for you. Reach out to me and I would be there for you. I would try to be that safe person for you to reach out to and love and support you. I want mothers to band together to be a big tribe. You see a fellow mom and not be worried about what they're thinking. But see a fellow mom and have a sigh of relief knowing they know what you're going through. On social media mothers are some of the worst at only posting the good and perfect pictures. Not the hard days where you feel like you're holding it all together by a single thread. 

             Be proud of your motherhood. You are doing an amazing job. You are stronger than you realize. You will look back at this moment in your life and think "Wow. I was doing a lot better than I thought I was." Reach out to those women who love you. Who want the best for you. Who won't just be there for you during your good times, but encourage you during the bad times. I've lost friends because my bad times weren't something they wanted to deal with. Now that I've acquired the friends who are SAFE and loving and have that empathy for me, I feel more confident in my motherhood. In my womanhood. So to you, thank you. I love you and am so thankful you are raising the little people you are raising. You are doing so much not just for your kids but for our society. I look up to you. I want to uphold you. And when you're down, know I'm always here for you.